


Broken Glass

by bythewillowfern



Category: The Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-10
Updated: 2019-02-10
Packaged: 2019-10-25 14:18:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17726837
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bythewillowfern/pseuds/bythewillowfern
Summary: “If you are mad at yourself”, Ty’s voice cracked slightly. There was no doubt he was crying too. Kit closed his eyes. He wished he could erase the past. They were both hurting and it was all his fault.“then why does it feel like I’m the one paying the price."





	Broken Glass

**Author's Note:**

> All characters belong to Cassandra Clare and The Dark Artifices. I own nothing except the plot.

It was a dark night. 

At least that's what it felt like. The stars were glittering like rhinestones and the moon was shining bright. He could hear the incessant singing of grasshoppers and feel the moonlight casting shadows over his face. Outwardly, it was just like any other night. There was nothing out of the ordinary about it.

It still felt colder and strangely foreign. 

He was sitting at the edge of the roof with his feet lightly tapping the concrete in a swinging motion. Ty was sitting next to him, at least physically. His body was still, not betraying even a shock of movement.

Kit sighed and rubbed his hands, trying to dispel the cold that was sinking into his bones. He had known, even as Jem and Tessa asked him if he wanted to go to the institute one last time, that it was a very bad idea. Despite that, he had nodded and agreed as they portaled here. Jem and Tessa were attending some important Downworlder-Shadowhunter alliance meeting that was currently going on in the main hall. 

Ty had been sitting here for what seemed like an eternity after breaking off into a run as soon as he saw Kit pour out of the portal. It had been embarrassing to say the least when Dru had raised her eyebrows and had proceeded to not so discreetly glare at him till he followed the action. 

It hadn't been very hard to find him since Kit knew that the roof was a special place. It was where he went when the sounds and lights overwhelmed him. This was Ty's ataraxia which Kit had once been a part of. They had spent countless evenings reading and talking, with Ty occasionally spouting facts about the few insects that were up this high. 

Now, Kit was the one Ty was running away from. He was the one overwhelming his senses and breaking him apart. 

A pang of pain echoed through him. 

He knew he deserved it.

The wind was still; everything felt too still, as if bubbling with anticipation. The calm before the storm. 

His eyes caught some movement in the periphery and he quickly turned his head. Ty was plucking at a loose string in his shirt. Instantly, Kit knew that he was trying to brace himself to speak.

"I am going to the Scholomance.", he finally said, fingers still absent mindedly pulling at his shirt.

Hearing Ty's voice after days did something strange to his heart. All the hurt and angst swirling inside him multiplied tenfold. His voice was clear, dripping with an eloquence that seemed almost unfair. He had been trying to lock all his emotions away, but it just took that one moment to unravel him. 

"That's good.”, Kit replied with some difficulty. His mind was a whirlwind; his emotions were storming all over the place. He didn’t want Ty near anything controlled by the Clave. He didn’t want Ty to have anything to do with those assholes. 

But, he thought bitterly, 

He had lost the right to decide.

Ty shuffled next to him and moved away as if recoiling from his words, struggling to put enough distance between them. His hands were fluttering and Kit vaguely recalled once comparing them to butterflies in the spring. Now though, there was nothing beautiful about their frantic motion. 

"You don't like it. You don't care.", Ty said accusingly.

Kit bitterly laughed and shook his head. 

"The problem is that I do care.”, he sighed heavily as he watched his hands become a dull blur.

“And I really wish I didn’t.”

They sat in a tense silence nothing like the ones they had once shared. This one was weighed down by so many unsaid words and feelings. He felt pitiful, crying into his hands. Every inch of him hurt, the familiar pity and despair wrenching his heart. 

He composed himself and wiped at his face. If Ty noticed it, he didn’t let on. 

"I didn’t mean it. What I said when we were tied to the Oak tree."

Ty sat silently, watching the stars twinkling in the sky. His legs were dangling from the edge of the roof in a haphazard manner.

"Then why did you say it?", he asked quietly as he looked at his feet. 

Kit ran his hands through his hair and sighed. An empty sort of gesture as he tried to calm his aching heart. 

"I was mad at myself. And I- I think I still am."

“If you are mad at yourself”, Ty’s voice cracked slightly. There was no doubt he was crying too. Kit closed his eyes. He wished he could erase the past. They were both hurting and it was all his fault. He wished he hadn't done it. He wished it was all over. He wished they could be what they were before. Before this mess. Before everything went wrong.

But, he knew that nothing would ever be the same. He had messed everything up. He had supported Ty in his raising Livvy from the dead. He had let Ty hurt himself. He had given him false hopes about the future. All because he couldn't say no. He could never say no to Ty. 

“then why does it feel like I’m the one paying the price.”

The words hung in the air between them, feeding Kit's already growing guilt. He had never heard Ty sound so defeated. Ty's voice was supposed to be steady and formidable, marked with determination and surity. The desperation and fear in it felt so wrong. So very wrong.

"All my life, I thought I would always have Livvy. And for the past few weeks, I've thought that I would always have you too. When I lost her, it felt like someone ripped a hole in my heart. I couldn't bear to think of even a moment without her. All I could think was that I wanted her back. In any way possible. I didn't think of the consequences and I realise now that what I did was wrong. I am sorry Kit."

He paused for a moment and Kit looked up at him silently. He knew there was more that Ty wanted to say. More that he was bracing himself to speak. His hands were erratically curling into fists, nails probably digging into his palms. So he waited.

Ty finally took a deep breath and continued,

"Now Livvy's gone and you're too. I feel like I am an island drifting off in the ocean. I know I'm different. I am not like other shadowhunters. I can't stand loud noises or bright lights. I don't understand a lot of things that come naturally to everyone else. But with Livvy beside me, it always felt okay. I understood her and she understood me. Without her, it feels like theres a huge gap between me and the world. A gap I dont know how to bridge."

There was a pause before he continued. "You-you left me.", Ty whispered quietly. His hands were buried in the sleeves of his sweatshirt but Kit could still see them shaking and fidgeting, gripped with frantic emotion. He curled his fingers and shoved them into the pocket of his jeans, trying to quell the urge to grab Ty's hands. 

"When I needed you the most. When I thought I would always have you. You didn't want to say goodbye. Magnus told me that you didn’t want to.”

Kit’s heart went numb. How Magnus had known this was beyond him but he couldn’t help the flames that rose in him. How could he say something so flatly unkind. He wanted to shake him for hurting Ty and the feeling only grew as Ty started shaking all over. He was now tugging at his hair in such a carnal way that Kit finally broke through his resolve and lightly pulled his pale hands away from his hair. Ty still refused to look at him but he didn’t pull back. The quivering lessened as Kit stood up and gently urged Ty to do the same. He knew Ty would feel better in his room, in a place which was his own refuge. 

“It's late Ty. You need to sleep.”, he said softly. For a moment it looked like Ty would protest but he too slowly rose up, letting Kit’s hand wrap around his own. Kit squeezed it tightly, trying to voice the million emotions that threatened to spill out of him. 

They slowly walked back, footsteps softly echoing in the silence of the corridor. Ty's fingers felt warm and calloused in his palms. The entire evening, Kit had been feeling so far away from Ty. Unable to reach him. Unable to fill the crevice that was growing between them. But now, with their hands held together, he finally felt more hopeful. 

They reached the door and Kit slowly tugged it open.  
Ty immediately sat on his bed and shook his hand away. Kit felt it's absence weigh on him like the sky. 

He got up to leave, the cold was spreading to his heart. He couldn’t fix this. Him and Ty were broken beyond repair. They were so close yet so far. He didn’t have the strength in him. He knew that this was selfish and wrong, but he couldn’t help it. Ty would never see him the way Kit did. And he could never feel the same way. He couldn’t fill the hole in Ty’s heart. Not when his own felt like it had been splinched.

"Don't leave me", Ty pleaded, his fingers clutching onto Kit's shirt urgently. 

Kit drew a breath and sat beside him. He wanted to curl up and stay there forever. In their little world of books and beaches. Of stray animals and Sherlock Holmes references. He wanted to hide Ty away in those sheets, away from the rest of the world. He wanted to hold him to himself and never let go again. But he knew that was wishful thinking. He never would have the chance. 

Instead, he gently ran his fingers through Ty's hair in a soothing gesture, letting the guilt in the air suffocate him.

He knew he was feeding a lie.

Ty pulled the comforter up to his chin and rested his head onto the pillow, his fingers never relinquishing their hold. Kit continued to draw circles on his scalp, tracing his fingers as lightly as he could. 

Ty shifted his head and finally looked into his eyes. Ty’s beautiful gray eyes were red and rimmed with tears and he was positive his own were too.

"It hurts a lot Kit and I don’t think it will ever go away. And I'm scared. You're the only one who makes it hurt less and I'm- I'm afraid. I don't want to lose you. You make me feel safe."

"But", Ty faltered and Kit could feel the sobs choking his throat. 

"It feels like I have already lost you."

Kit's heart shattered. He wanted to pull Ty close and tell him. "I love you. I loved you when you drew those runes on me. I loved you even when we were doing necromancy. I think I always have and always will." But that wasn’t what Ty wanted and needed. That was what Kit ached for, not Ty.

Instead, he looked into Ty's eyes with a fiery determination and cupped his face. 

"You'll never lose me, Ty. Not as long as I’m breathing. I am Watson and you are my Holmes. Whatever happens, Watson always finds Holmes just like Holmes always comes back to Watson. "

“Always?”, Ty asked softly.

“Always.”, Kit whispered back.

Kit pressed his knuckles to Ty’s cheekbones, ghosting over the edges. Ty’s eyes fluttered close and he leaned into Kit’s touch. They lay there tangled in the sheets as Ty’s face slowly eased out, the creases of worry giving way to steady breathing. Kit lightly wiped the tear tracks with his thumbs and settled down next to him, a stray arm thrown over Ty’s side. 

An eerie coldness materialized next to him. Livvy's face was pale and translucent, her eyes glinting with a strange melancholy. She looked at him ruefully and he knew, at once, what she was going to say

"You need to tell him. You need to try-".

"I only just got him back and I have no idea for how long."

"But-"

Kit closed his eyes and sighed deeply, trying to exhale the heaviness of the air in his lungs.

"I-I can't", he whispered.

"I cant help him. I'm not you Livvy. And he wants you not me."

Livvy stared at him, her gaze was piercing, filling him with an unfair sense of vulnerability. 

"I wouldn't be so sure about that.", she finally replied as she recalled a distant memory.

_"He told me he loves me Livvy.", Ty's voice broke. "Why should that change anything?"_

_"Do you want it to change something Ty?"_

_"I-I dont know. I just want him back. Here. With me. And it feels like I'm never going to."_

It broke her heart to hear him sound so forlorn. Once upon a time, she would have hugged him tightly and rubbed his hands. Now, she could only watch him shatter. She was a helpless spectator to his confusion. 

"Take care of him for me Livvy", Kit pleaded desperately. "Please."

She nodded sadly, her pale face slowly melting into the shadows. Ty was still asleep, his hair curling in little tufts like baby bat wings. He looked so calm and at peace in the moonlight, like an angel descended from the stars.

Kit grimaced wistfully. That was the entire problem. Ty was like the stars glittering in the sky, so brilliant and alluring. He was mesmerizing and enchanting and Kit couldn't ever stop being drawn to him like the sailors were drawn to sirens.

And just like stars, Kit could only watch him from afar. 

* * *

Ty woke up to a small note taped onto his desk. He carefully pulled it off and straightened it. His hands curled around the small piece of paper.

“Glass, twin, apple, whisper, stars, crystal, shadow, lilt."

“Cloud, secret, highway, hurricane, mirror, castle, thorns.”

And then a single word:

"Blackthorns."

He traced the words with his fingers, replicating the clear letters of Kit's handwriting. He closed his eyes and imagined long tanned fingers gliding across the paper, the glossy ink flowing out from the pen clutched in his hands. It filled him with an eerie sense of calm. 

_"You'll never lose me."_

The note was a promise. He didn't know when they would meet again. They were forging their own separate lives. He was going to Scholomance and Kit was going to be living in Devon. They were still hurting inside. 

But, regardless of how far apart they were, he would always have Kit.


End file.
